A Discussion on Feelings

At the end of our Sunday session on 07/09/17, Nelson's spirit guide said: "Feelings!  How difficult they are.  Sometime we go into another person's home and offer our opinions - and those opinions can lead to negative feelings.  Feelings.  Think about it.  That will be the theme for our discussion on Wednesday."  I could not find anything on that topic (or on emotions) by Allan Kardec, so I just summarized a few talking points on the subject for our Wednesdays in Chicago class...

What are Feelings?

"Feelings" is a word used to describe the physical sensation of touching -  either through experience or perception.  Examples of perception feelings would be a feeling of warmth, or feeling loved.  In psychology, therapists study the feelings of someone to determine their emotional state.  A perception of the physical world does not necessarily result in a universal reaction among receivers.  Our emotional state is also determined by our mood, temperament, personality, disposition, and motivation.  For example, if we believe that we are in a dangerous situation, it has an effect on our body's nervous system (rapid heartbeat and breathing, sweating, muscle tension) and we say we are “feeling afraid.”  Our mental abilities are essential to our interpretation of events.

People buy products in hopes that the product will make them feel a certain way: either happy, excited or beautiful. Or they view the product as indirectly useful (when they purchase something to support a charity or for economic reasons).  A social psychologist (Daniel Gilbert) conducted a study on the influence of feelings.  His results showed that when the participants predicted a positive feeling for an event, the chances were higher that they wanted to relive that event.  Our past experiences with feelings influence our current decision making.  Gilbert also conducted a study to show how pleased a person would feel if they purchased flowers for themselves for no specific reason and how long they thought that feeling would last. People who had never purchased flowers for themselves and those who had had experienced buying flowers for themselves were tested. The results showed that those who had purchased flowers in the past for themselves felt much happier and that feeling lasted longer for them than for a person who had never purchased flowers for themselves.

Feelings are deemed appropriate if they fit a current situation. Since individuals want to fit in and be seen as normal, they are constantly working on their feelings in order to fit a specific situation. Feelings are not permanent, but an ongoing thing, as we constantly try to bring up, suppress, or manage our feelings.  There are two main things we do with our emotional feelings - evocation and suppression. Evocation is used to obtain or bring up certain positive feelings, and suppression is used to put away or hide certain unwanted feelings.

Our human lives can be divided into three major stages: childhood, adolescence and adulthood.  During each of these phases, our regulation of emotional feelings drastically improves. Emotional regulation of our feelings is essential to our socialization, and it varies with the culture in which we live, as well as the specific social context of a situation.

Childhood:  It is difficult for children to regulate their feelings. This is why whenever a child needs or wants something, they often cry or throw temper tantrums until they get it. As children get older, the frequency and intensity of these outbursts declines. When children learn to talk, they now have a new way to communicate an issue or request, instead of using only expressions or actions.

Adolescence: The biological changes that take place during adolescence improve the regulation of our feelings. The maturation of the frontal lobes of our brains (which are essential for controlling attention and inhibiting thoughts and behaviors) enables adolescents to inhibit undesirable or painful feelings and enhance desirable or pleasant feelings. As adolescents grow in maturity, they also learn how to regulate their emotions, which has both positive and negative effects on their relationships with family and friends.

Adulthood:  Feelings affect us especially in our later life. As we get older, our motivation is to find the emotional meaning of our life.  We tend to be more judgmental in regards to hearing the feelings of others, as our social losses and health changes increase when we get older. Adults have multiple motivations for regulating their feelings - pain/pleasure (our willingness to move towards a goal or away from a threat), conforming to varied or new social roles, facilitating tasks, managing our self-presentation, and regulating the feelings of others.

Regulation of our emotional feelings is something that becomes a habit throughout our lives. It is essential to our socialization.  When individuals cannot alter their feelings or change them to fit a social situation, they are more likely to have emotional disorders. Women who were exposed to interpersonal (domestic) violence often exhibit a negative care giving behavior with their own young children. But not all emotional regulation of our feelings is negative, as the ability to regulate one’s emotional feelings often determines the amount or the quality of our relationships and social interactions. Over time, we need to develop a deeper understanding of how other people might feel in different situations, which should result in better developed interpersonal and intrapersonal skills for ourselves.